As the artist stares at the blank canvas his mind sees the picture that his hand will create. He thinks in color and detail. Gathering paint on the bristles, he moves the brush over the canvas with confident strokes. For the beauty that only he could imagine is now becoming a masterpiece for all to see.
I am not that artist. So, I take the alphabet and use it as the artist does his brush, composing a picture that takes an imagination to see. I think in pictures, so I write in pictures.
God made us all so unique. We are His masterpieces, human beings created in His mind, formed in His image, skillfully designed and knit together by His hands. He is the master artist. I marvel at His work. Individuals who are so different and yet much the same. Nature around us displays more of God's creativity. Impeccable. Breathtaking. Inexpressible and full of His glory.
God made me. He fashioned me from dust into a living, breathing creature that thinks, dreams and loves. He made me uniquely, in a way that only He can understand. He knows my days. He knows my heart and speaks tenderly to it. In my weakness and failure He alone is my strength and hope.
I love when life is efficient. I love to write out my list of errands so that my drive takes me in a complete circle without backtracking or retracing my steps. I love when things make sense. I try to find a pattern in life so that I can make my decisions based upon the proof of what has or has not worked. Faith does not come naturally to me. Yet, I really love the joy I experience when I place my my logical and fearful mind into the hands of my ever faithful, all knowing Creator. It is then that I can start to see the masterful and deliberate workings in my circumstances as markings of an artist at work.
God is the artist of my life. He knows the finished product that the brushstrokes of my existence will create. He saw the end before I even began. And he continues to create each day of my life as part of something that will become even more beautiful.
"O Lord, you have searched me and known me.
You know when I sit down and when I rise up.
You understand my thoughts from afar.
You scrutinize my path and my lying down and are intimately acquainted with all my ways.
Even before there is a word on my tongue, O Lord, You know it all.
You have enclosed me behind and before, and laid Your hand upon me.
Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, it is too high, I cannot attain to it....
I will give thanks to you for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; wonderful are Your works and my soul knows it very well." Psalm 139:1-6,14
Friday, September 30, 2011
Thursday, September 22, 2011
in everything
My hands are wrapped around a hot mug full of tea. For mid-September, it is chilly, the sort of chilly that bites straight through to your bones. I wonder how I might make it through the coming seasons alive.
Such a mix of emotions the past few weeks have been. I have been feeling so poorly for days, with the exception of last Saturday and today (which unfortunately, caused me great delight and I ate waaay too much dinner, ugh). Feeling poorly is, to me, like a vacuum inserted straight into my brain. It sucks all of the hope right out and leaves me in a state of mere existance. In the thick of it, my little brother went and got married. I must admit, I'm not typically one for change, and this was certainly was a big change. His new wife is a lovely girl, but I simply cannot wrap my mind around how quickly the years pass and that the little brother that I used to buy beanie babies for every Friday is now a happily married man. I will adjust, of course I will, please be patient with me. And lastly, I have come to a new realization that we, as human beings, are all broken people living in a broken world. This theory was very much proved as I have watched people, who have long lived on pedestals in the palace of my mind, disappoint me. It's bound to happen, for they are as human as I. But, as the blissful shades of ignorance have been lifted from my eyes I stand and stare in disbelief. Never can we imagine the days our hearts will be broken or changed...
I love that as I sit here, I can hear Evie singing her little heart out from her bed. Twinkle, twinkle little star...(looong pause)...how I wonder what you are...(quiet chattering)....twinkle twinkle little star...(yawn)....(silence). She speaks in music...whether she is singing a song or just telling a story. The sound of her voice is a melody.
Despite the wild ride on the emotional rollercoaster of the past few weeks, all hope has not been lost. In the thick of it all have found a sweetness in the presence of my Savior. He speaks peace and hope to my heart as I despair about feeling as if the next breath may be my last or wondering where I might find the strength to press on. He reminded me that He is being glorified in what I do not understand and that He is so near and so gracious to give me more of Himself as I press into Him. Feeling sick makes the rest of life so much more difficult and yet, I did not make a trip to the depths of despair, a place that I have spent quite a bit of time in over the past 2 years. It was just life...take it or leave it. A twist and turn that were instrumental to God in making a more Christlike me. And on this side of yesterday, I can say that I am thankful, although I should probably say that in the today of yesterday I was thankful too (but, I know that might be stretching things a bit).
I should know better than to sit down at a computer without a clear sense of direction. I have a few pictures, that my mind has woven together in words, but, without a clear map I diverted to giving a snapshot of regular old life. But, if only to remind myself that God showed up wildly wonderfully in regular old life, all might not have been lost.
"Rejoice always; pray without ceasing; in everything give thanksl for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus." 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18
Such a mix of emotions the past few weeks have been. I have been feeling so poorly for days, with the exception of last Saturday and today (which unfortunately, caused me great delight and I ate waaay too much dinner, ugh). Feeling poorly is, to me, like a vacuum inserted straight into my brain. It sucks all of the hope right out and leaves me in a state of mere existance. In the thick of it, my little brother went and got married. I must admit, I'm not typically one for change, and this was certainly was a big change. His new wife is a lovely girl, but I simply cannot wrap my mind around how quickly the years pass and that the little brother that I used to buy beanie babies for every Friday is now a happily married man. I will adjust, of course I will, please be patient with me. And lastly, I have come to a new realization that we, as human beings, are all broken people living in a broken world. This theory was very much proved as I have watched people, who have long lived on pedestals in the palace of my mind, disappoint me. It's bound to happen, for they are as human as I. But, as the blissful shades of ignorance have been lifted from my eyes I stand and stare in disbelief. Never can we imagine the days our hearts will be broken or changed...
I love that as I sit here, I can hear Evie singing her little heart out from her bed. Twinkle, twinkle little star...(looong pause)...how I wonder what you are...(quiet chattering)....twinkle twinkle little star...(yawn)....(silence). She speaks in music...whether she is singing a song or just telling a story. The sound of her voice is a melody.
Despite the wild ride on the emotional rollercoaster of the past few weeks, all hope has not been lost. In the thick of it all have found a sweetness in the presence of my Savior. He speaks peace and hope to my heart as I despair about feeling as if the next breath may be my last or wondering where I might find the strength to press on. He reminded me that He is being glorified in what I do not understand and that He is so near and so gracious to give me more of Himself as I press into Him. Feeling sick makes the rest of life so much more difficult and yet, I did not make a trip to the depths of despair, a place that I have spent quite a bit of time in over the past 2 years. It was just life...take it or leave it. A twist and turn that were instrumental to God in making a more Christlike me. And on this side of yesterday, I can say that I am thankful, although I should probably say that in the today of yesterday I was thankful too (but, I know that might be stretching things a bit).
I should know better than to sit down at a computer without a clear sense of direction. I have a few pictures, that my mind has woven together in words, but, without a clear map I diverted to giving a snapshot of regular old life. But, if only to remind myself that God showed up wildly wonderfully in regular old life, all might not have been lost.
"Rejoice always; pray without ceasing; in everything give thanksl for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus." 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18
Thursday, August 18, 2011
in the secret
It's strange how even the most beautiful of external circumstances cannot touch the innermost part of the heart sometimes. How the mind and body can be at war with each other. It seems as if our hearts and our heads speak a different language.
Such mysteries they are to me.
The wind is blowing through the trees...rustling the leaves of the oak and birch, softly rushing through the evergreens and gently tossing the branches of the giant white pine so that the needles dance almost silently above the rest. Soft white clouds are scattered across the giant blue expanse. White caps and the boats tied to the dock are skipping about like newborn calves in the spring. The bright sunshine wraps us all in it's golden cloak. It's so beautiful.
These are the sort of moments that take my breath away. In these places I am filled with hope and a keen sense of God's hand in what I see and feel. And in the overwhelming wonder of it all, I usually find a little extra wonderful that I tuck away for a rainy day. As the drops fall from the gray clouds I close my eyes and revisit the sights and sounds of this, willing myself to remember that all is not lost to the dark. Hope will return.
But, somehow, today I cannot find that peacefullness. The wind does not whisper sweet nothings to my heart. The dancing leaves and pine boughs do not make me laugh with their wild cavortings. The cloak of the sun does not warm my skin. Why does the music of the day fall on my ears as if they are deaf? I grieve the loss of wonder in the moment and the extra gift I cannot find to tuck away. Is it the world around me or my heart that communicates differently?
All is not lost. I am not unaware of the beauty surrounding me and the sweetnes of the lake air. Comforting me in the night is the haunting cry of the loon. In the place of the usual bustle of cars and buildings is the quiet peacefullness of God's remarkable creation. I am exactly where I want to be.
Oh quiet heart, please return to me.
Such mysteries they are to me.
The wind is blowing through the trees...rustling the leaves of the oak and birch, softly rushing through the evergreens and gently tossing the branches of the giant white pine so that the needles dance almost silently above the rest. Soft white clouds are scattered across the giant blue expanse. White caps and the boats tied to the dock are skipping about like newborn calves in the spring. The bright sunshine wraps us all in it's golden cloak. It's so beautiful.
These are the sort of moments that take my breath away. In these places I am filled with hope and a keen sense of God's hand in what I see and feel. And in the overwhelming wonder of it all, I usually find a little extra wonderful that I tuck away for a rainy day. As the drops fall from the gray clouds I close my eyes and revisit the sights and sounds of this, willing myself to remember that all is not lost to the dark. Hope will return.
But, somehow, today I cannot find that peacefullness. The wind does not whisper sweet nothings to my heart. The dancing leaves and pine boughs do not make me laugh with their wild cavortings. The cloak of the sun does not warm my skin. Why does the music of the day fall on my ears as if they are deaf? I grieve the loss of wonder in the moment and the extra gift I cannot find to tuck away. Is it the world around me or my heart that communicates differently?
All is not lost. I am not unaware of the beauty surrounding me and the sweetnes of the lake air. Comforting me in the night is the haunting cry of the loon. In the place of the usual bustle of cars and buildings is the quiet peacefullness of God's remarkable creation. I am exactly where I want to be.
Oh quiet heart, please return to me.
Sunday, August 14, 2011
last laugh
It has been a good day.
This morning arrived on the sound of gentle raindrops dancing across the leaves outside my window. It was delightfully dreamy, but the busyness of the day called to me and I answered its call. Sliding my feet from between the soft, red sheets I plodded into the day with my eyes half shut. No time for drinking in the beauty of simplicity in the quietness, on the table was a long list that pulled my mind and body in different directions.
A few hours into my day, and after wishing that I had taken some quiet moments with Jesus before I started in on the day, I stood in the kitchen defeated. My pancakes were burnt, my long list seemed to have grown longer overnight, my heart was frustrated, my toddler was crying, my husband was annoyed. I was quite sure that the enemy of my soul was taking delight in this discord and the joylessness of my heart. Convinced that the rest of the day was completely ruined, I sat down with a piece of peanut butter toast (my burnt pancake replacement) at the table with my family and let out a great sigh.
Never one to let my heart wallow in the mire of sadness for long, my dear husband found lightness and joy in our little breakfast. He is the master of sound effects and helped Evie eat bite after bite of cows, chainsaws and bumblebees. He teased me about me. He laughed in the face of frustration and unmet expectation with confidence. And he invited me to sit back and enjoy the ride I hopped on when I climbed out of bed this morning- the ride called "today."
And then the day unfolded...more busyness, laughter, reponsibilities, tiredness, conversation, meals, family, the clever words and the singong voice of a 2 year old and the haunting cries of loons across the lake. And here we are, watching Don Knotts climb the staircase in a haunted mansion as Kyle snores on the floor at my feet. And as the darkness settles in around me I smile as I enjoy the last laugh.
This morning arrived on the sound of gentle raindrops dancing across the leaves outside my window. It was delightfully dreamy, but the busyness of the day called to me and I answered its call. Sliding my feet from between the soft, red sheets I plodded into the day with my eyes half shut. No time for drinking in the beauty of simplicity in the quietness, on the table was a long list that pulled my mind and body in different directions.
A few hours into my day, and after wishing that I had taken some quiet moments with Jesus before I started in on the day, I stood in the kitchen defeated. My pancakes were burnt, my long list seemed to have grown longer overnight, my heart was frustrated, my toddler was crying, my husband was annoyed. I was quite sure that the enemy of my soul was taking delight in this discord and the joylessness of my heart. Convinced that the rest of the day was completely ruined, I sat down with a piece of peanut butter toast (my burnt pancake replacement) at the table with my family and let out a great sigh.
Never one to let my heart wallow in the mire of sadness for long, my dear husband found lightness and joy in our little breakfast. He is the master of sound effects and helped Evie eat bite after bite of cows, chainsaws and bumblebees. He teased me about me. He laughed in the face of frustration and unmet expectation with confidence. And he invited me to sit back and enjoy the ride I hopped on when I climbed out of bed this morning- the ride called "today."
And then the day unfolded...more busyness, laughter, reponsibilities, tiredness, conversation, meals, family, the clever words and the singong voice of a 2 year old and the haunting cries of loons across the lake. And here we are, watching Don Knotts climb the staircase in a haunted mansion as Kyle snores on the floor at my feet. And as the darkness settles in around me I smile as I enjoy the last laugh.
Thursday, August 4, 2011
sweet things
I love summer. I love summer so much that I would want to marry it (if I wasn't already taken, that is).
Summer is...the sounds of life floating in my open window on a warm breeze, the smell of sunshine on my baby's skin, walking barefoot through the grass, beads of water dancing on flower petals in my garden, vegetables fresh from the vine and warm from the sun, the taste of lemonade, laundry hanging on the line, butterflies, driving with my windows down and the wind in my hair. It is beauty for all I touch, taste, see and hear.
And so August arrives. I fight my inclination to let the days slip away in my mind, to feel a sense of dread at the coming seasons. How I long to live in the moment, to take today for what it is...the sound of cicadas, warm breeze, the green leaves covering the place above which I sit. To hold on to today and live it to the fullest. I will climb on my soapbox and preach to myself. Don't waste today worrying about tomorrow. Tomorrow will come regardless of whether or not I think about it. Might as well just make do with today and let tomorrow worry about itself.
Evie sleeps and I close my eyes...daydream of the loveliness of today and the beauty of the world with my sister in it. She is visiting, from a land far far away, and I'm just trying to soak in every minute. Days with her make the sweet days of summer even sweeter...
Summer is...the sounds of life floating in my open window on a warm breeze, the smell of sunshine on my baby's skin, walking barefoot through the grass, beads of water dancing on flower petals in my garden, vegetables fresh from the vine and warm from the sun, the taste of lemonade, laundry hanging on the line, butterflies, driving with my windows down and the wind in my hair. It is beauty for all I touch, taste, see and hear.
And so August arrives. I fight my inclination to let the days slip away in my mind, to feel a sense of dread at the coming seasons. How I long to live in the moment, to take today for what it is...the sound of cicadas, warm breeze, the green leaves covering the place above which I sit. To hold on to today and live it to the fullest. I will climb on my soapbox and preach to myself. Don't waste today worrying about tomorrow. Tomorrow will come regardless of whether or not I think about it. Might as well just make do with today and let tomorrow worry about itself.
Evie sleeps and I close my eyes...daydream of the loveliness of today and the beauty of the world with my sister in it. She is visiting, from a land far far away, and I'm just trying to soak in every minute. Days with her make the sweet days of summer even sweeter...
Monday, May 16, 2011
opposites
When God closes a door sometimes He closes the window and latches it tightly. A walk around the house reveals that every other window is latched tightly. During that walk around the house I trip on a rug and sprain my ankle. I hobble over to a chair and try to and make sense of what simply was going to be a visit with a friend....
This morning, I was blessed with a few moments to myself before the day began. God gently invited me to sit at His feet. I asked Him to encourage me..I have felt so worn and weary. He opened His word and showed me verses that described my wicked heart. "God has looked down from heaven upon the sons of men to see if there is anyone who understands, who seeks after God. Every one of them has turned aside; together they have become corrupt, there is no one who does good not even one." Psalm 53:2-3. Indirectly, they were encouragement I needed. For even when my body is worn my heart can rest and rejoice in the greatness of being saved from itself. I know it is truth, even when it does "feel" as marvelously true as I it is. I asked God to use these truths throughout the day to continue to teach me.
I do not understand God, and I never will. His ways are much higher than mine. I cannot decipher his workings with a mystery decoder ring. I am simply asked to just trust and obey. To trust that God's love and forgiveness have washed over me and He has covered my sinful heart with His righteousness. To trust that His love is everlasting and He will never leave or forsake me. To trust that He is orchestrating the events of my life for my good and His glory. To trust that He is my portion and He is enough. Through that trust, I am called to obey. To obey with the joy and abandon of a child who rushes headlong into life fully trusting that her parents will take care of the necessaries. She need only live...and let someone else carry the worries.
"But as for me, I am like a green olive tree in the house of God; I trust in the lovingkindness of God forever and ever. I will give You thanks forever, because you have done it, and I will wait on Your name, for it is good, in the presence of your godly ones." Psalms 52: 8-9
This morning, I was blessed with a few moments to myself before the day began. God gently invited me to sit at His feet. I asked Him to encourage me..I have felt so worn and weary. He opened His word and showed me verses that described my wicked heart. "God has looked down from heaven upon the sons of men to see if there is anyone who understands, who seeks after God. Every one of them has turned aside; together they have become corrupt, there is no one who does good not even one." Psalm 53:2-3. Indirectly, they were encouragement I needed. For even when my body is worn my heart can rest and rejoice in the greatness of being saved from itself. I know it is truth, even when it does "feel" as marvelously true as I it is. I asked God to use these truths throughout the day to continue to teach me.
I do not understand God, and I never will. His ways are much higher than mine. I cannot decipher his workings with a mystery decoder ring. I am simply asked to just trust and obey. To trust that God's love and forgiveness have washed over me and He has covered my sinful heart with His righteousness. To trust that His love is everlasting and He will never leave or forsake me. To trust that He is orchestrating the events of my life for my good and His glory. To trust that He is my portion and He is enough. Through that trust, I am called to obey. To obey with the joy and abandon of a child who rushes headlong into life fully trusting that her parents will take care of the necessaries. She need only live...and let someone else carry the worries.
"But as for me, I am like a green olive tree in the house of God; I trust in the lovingkindness of God forever and ever. I will give You thanks forever, because you have done it, and I will wait on Your name, for it is good, in the presence of your godly ones." Psalms 52: 8-9
Sunday, May 8, 2011
Mothers
There is something inside of me that melts every time I see that little face.
How sweet it was to be handed a card this morning with colored "words" on the left side that daddy had to translate into English on the right side. It made my heart skip a beat to read sweet things about being the best mommy ever. I don't know if I'm the best mommy ever...but I will spend my life trying. How I desire to proclaim God's love as I cook meals, clean up messes, change diapers, snuggle, clean up scraped knees, laugh and play.
I am blessed beyond words to have been raised and loved by a mother who selflessly serves. She lives her life in service to all those around her, asking nothing in return. I see in her heart a true greatness and beauty that cannot be measured by any earthly standard. She is a treasure and I am proud to call her my mother...and my friend.
Happy Mothers Day to you!
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