the end and the beginning

It is New Years Eve. It is 10:25 pm. Andy, exhausted from a long week of work,  is already asleep on the couch, Evie is singing in her bed, I am reading a book and feeling utterly miserable, my body wracked by this illness that saps me of strength and hope.

I should climb on my soapbox. I should sing praises to the Lord. I should cheer myself on with promises of God's faithfulness, words of courage and hope.

I should, yes, but I can't. I simply haven't any more than sheer determination to make it past this minute and on to the next.

Oh Lord, please help me.



New Years Eve. A day to recall what has been and look forward to what will be. Tears. Laughter. Resolutions. A day to lace up your tennis shoes and prepare to run headlong into the mystery and newness of a fresh start.

To write on the first page of a new notebook. To sink your teeth into the shiny, red skin of a fresh picked apple. The first day of school. To wake up in the morning and open your eyes. To hold, for the first time, the new life that made you a mommy. To try something you've never tried before. To make a plan and set goals.

Who doesn't love a fresh start? In that moment, we feel empowered, hopeful, ready to take on the challenge of change without feeling hindered or defined by our past experiences. God's power seems very tangible.

And then...

As fallen creatures living in a fallen world, inevitably, we will fall. But this is not the end of the story. God, in His infinite wisdom, knows our frailty. He does not watch us fall and laugh at our inability to accomplish what we resolutely attempt. He comforts us in our weakness and covers us with mercy.  His mercies are perfectly, wonderfully brand new every single morning of our lives. He will strengthen us and fill us with hope for the journey.

Fresh snow is falling outside. It veils the bare, drab ground with a covering of pure white. How sweet it is for God to give us a visible picture of His beautiful handiwork as we begin 2012.

"To look up and not down, that is Faith;

  to look forward and not back, that is Hope;

  and then to look out and not in, that is Love."

-Edward Everett Hale

holiday cheer

Where has the time gone? If you find it, please let me know. I've been looking everywhere for it!

This past month has been a whirlwind of celebrating, preparing to celebrate and delighting in the magic of the season through the sparkling little eyes of a 2 year old. Nothing filled my heart with Christmas cheer more than every time I drove my car after dark and listened to the screams of delight from the backseat as we passed by houses decorated with lights."CHRISTMAS!!," she screamed.  It made me laugh every single time she saw "Santa Claus" and called him Noah (because she loves the story of "Noah and the Ark" and Noah has a long white beard in the pictures, so this long, white bearded man must certainly be him!). I loved the holiday baking (but felt bad feeding people such unhealthy food!), the shopping ($100 goes a long way if you get creative!), the music (with the exception of a few songs...don't get me started!), the decorations (I'm a kid at heart too, I guess!) and the warmer weather (I'm probably in the minority here, most of you dream of a white Christmas).

Never mind that most of those days have been some of the most physically challenging for me. God's timing is perfect. In the midst of my worst of days was the joy of Jesus birth and the wide-eyed wonderment of my precious little girl. And, as if these blessings weren't enough, God gave me the gift of a tender, patient husband, a mom and dad who give selflessly of themselves to help me, and the opportunity to spend some sweet time with my sister and her family who drove up from Arkansas to celebrate Christmas with us.

"Joy to the world, the Lord has come!"