It's strange how even the most beautiful of external circumstances cannot touch the innermost part of the heart sometimes. How the mind and body can be at war with each other. It seems as if our hearts and our heads speak a different language.
Such mysteries they are to me.
The wind is blowing through the trees...rustling the leaves of the oak and birch, softly rushing through the evergreens and gently tossing the branches of the giant white pine so that the needles dance almost silently above the rest. Soft white clouds are scattered across the giant blue expanse. White caps and the boats tied to the dock are skipping about like newborn calves in the spring. The bright sunshine wraps us all in it's golden cloak. It's so beautiful.
These are the sort of moments that take my breath away. In these places I am filled with hope and a keen sense of God's hand in what I see and feel. And in the overwhelming wonder of it all, I usually find a little extra wonderful that I tuck away for a rainy day. As the drops fall from the gray clouds I close my eyes and revisit the sights and sounds of this, willing myself to remember that all is not lost to the dark. Hope will return.
But, somehow, today I cannot find that peacefullness. The wind does not whisper sweet nothings to my heart. The dancing leaves and pine boughs do not make me laugh with their wild cavortings. The cloak of the sun does not warm my skin. Why does the music of the day fall on my ears as if they are deaf? I grieve the loss of wonder in the moment and the extra gift I cannot find to tuck away. Is it the world around me or my heart that communicates differently?
All is not lost. I am not unaware of the beauty surrounding me and the sweetnes of the lake air. Comforting me in the night is the haunting cry of the loon. In the place of the usual bustle of cars and buildings is the quiet peacefullness of God's remarkable creation. I am exactly where I want to be.
Oh quiet heart, please return to me.
Thursday, August 18, 2011
Sunday, August 14, 2011
last laugh
It has been a good day.
This morning arrived on the sound of gentle raindrops dancing across the leaves outside my window. It was delightfully dreamy, but the busyness of the day called to me and I answered its call. Sliding my feet from between the soft, red sheets I plodded into the day with my eyes half shut. No time for drinking in the beauty of simplicity in the quietness, on the table was a long list that pulled my mind and body in different directions.
A few hours into my day, and after wishing that I had taken some quiet moments with Jesus before I started in on the day, I stood in the kitchen defeated. My pancakes were burnt, my long list seemed to have grown longer overnight, my heart was frustrated, my toddler was crying, my husband was annoyed. I was quite sure that the enemy of my soul was taking delight in this discord and the joylessness of my heart. Convinced that the rest of the day was completely ruined, I sat down with a piece of peanut butter toast (my burnt pancake replacement) at the table with my family and let out a great sigh.
Never one to let my heart wallow in the mire of sadness for long, my dear husband found lightness and joy in our little breakfast. He is the master of sound effects and helped Evie eat bite after bite of cows, chainsaws and bumblebees. He teased me about me. He laughed in the face of frustration and unmet expectation with confidence. And he invited me to sit back and enjoy the ride I hopped on when I climbed out of bed this morning- the ride called "today."
And then the day unfolded...more busyness, laughter, reponsibilities, tiredness, conversation, meals, family, the clever words and the singong voice of a 2 year old and the haunting cries of loons across the lake. And here we are, watching Don Knotts climb the staircase in a haunted mansion as Kyle snores on the floor at my feet. And as the darkness settles in around me I smile as I enjoy the last laugh.
This morning arrived on the sound of gentle raindrops dancing across the leaves outside my window. It was delightfully dreamy, but the busyness of the day called to me and I answered its call. Sliding my feet from between the soft, red sheets I plodded into the day with my eyes half shut. No time for drinking in the beauty of simplicity in the quietness, on the table was a long list that pulled my mind and body in different directions.
A few hours into my day, and after wishing that I had taken some quiet moments with Jesus before I started in on the day, I stood in the kitchen defeated. My pancakes were burnt, my long list seemed to have grown longer overnight, my heart was frustrated, my toddler was crying, my husband was annoyed. I was quite sure that the enemy of my soul was taking delight in this discord and the joylessness of my heart. Convinced that the rest of the day was completely ruined, I sat down with a piece of peanut butter toast (my burnt pancake replacement) at the table with my family and let out a great sigh.
Never one to let my heart wallow in the mire of sadness for long, my dear husband found lightness and joy in our little breakfast. He is the master of sound effects and helped Evie eat bite after bite of cows, chainsaws and bumblebees. He teased me about me. He laughed in the face of frustration and unmet expectation with confidence. And he invited me to sit back and enjoy the ride I hopped on when I climbed out of bed this morning- the ride called "today."
And then the day unfolded...more busyness, laughter, reponsibilities, tiredness, conversation, meals, family, the clever words and the singong voice of a 2 year old and the haunting cries of loons across the lake. And here we are, watching Don Knotts climb the staircase in a haunted mansion as Kyle snores on the floor at my feet. And as the darkness settles in around me I smile as I enjoy the last laugh.
Thursday, August 4, 2011
sweet things
I love summer. I love summer so much that I would want to marry it (if I wasn't already taken, that is).
Summer is...the sounds of life floating in my open window on a warm breeze, the smell of sunshine on my baby's skin, walking barefoot through the grass, beads of water dancing on flower petals in my garden, vegetables fresh from the vine and warm from the sun, the taste of lemonade, laundry hanging on the line, butterflies, driving with my windows down and the wind in my hair. It is beauty for all I touch, taste, see and hear.
And so August arrives. I fight my inclination to let the days slip away in my mind, to feel a sense of dread at the coming seasons. How I long to live in the moment, to take today for what it is...the sound of cicadas, warm breeze, the green leaves covering the place above which I sit. To hold on to today and live it to the fullest. I will climb on my soapbox and preach to myself. Don't waste today worrying about tomorrow. Tomorrow will come regardless of whether or not I think about it. Might as well just make do with today and let tomorrow worry about itself.
Evie sleeps and I close my eyes...daydream of the loveliness of today and the beauty of the world with my sister in it. She is visiting, from a land far far away, and I'm just trying to soak in every minute. Days with her make the sweet days of summer even sweeter...
Summer is...the sounds of life floating in my open window on a warm breeze, the smell of sunshine on my baby's skin, walking barefoot through the grass, beads of water dancing on flower petals in my garden, vegetables fresh from the vine and warm from the sun, the taste of lemonade, laundry hanging on the line, butterflies, driving with my windows down and the wind in my hair. It is beauty for all I touch, taste, see and hear.
And so August arrives. I fight my inclination to let the days slip away in my mind, to feel a sense of dread at the coming seasons. How I long to live in the moment, to take today for what it is...the sound of cicadas, warm breeze, the green leaves covering the place above which I sit. To hold on to today and live it to the fullest. I will climb on my soapbox and preach to myself. Don't waste today worrying about tomorrow. Tomorrow will come regardless of whether or not I think about it. Might as well just make do with today and let tomorrow worry about itself.
Evie sleeps and I close my eyes...daydream of the loveliness of today and the beauty of the world with my sister in it. She is visiting, from a land far far away, and I'm just trying to soak in every minute. Days with her make the sweet days of summer even sweeter...
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