in everything

My hands are wrapped around a hot mug full of tea. For mid-September, it is chilly, the sort of chilly that bites straight through to your bones. I wonder how I might make it through the coming seasons alive.

Such a mix of emotions the past few weeks have been. I have been feeling so poorly for days, with the exception of last Saturday and today (which unfortunately, caused me great delight and I ate waaay too much dinner, ugh). Feeling poorly is, to me, like a vacuum inserted straight into my brain. It sucks all of the hope right out and leaves me in a state of mere existance. In the thick of it, my little brother went and got married. I must admit, I'm not typically one for change, and this was certainly was a big change. His new wife is a lovely girl, but I simply cannot wrap my mind around how quickly the years pass and that the little brother that I used to buy beanie babies for every Friday is now a happily married man. I will adjust, of course I will, please be patient with me. And lastly, I have come to a new realization that we, as human beings, are all broken people living in a broken world. This theory was very much proved as I have watched people, who have long lived on pedestals in the palace of my mind, disappoint me. It's bound to happen, for they are as human as I. But, as the blissful shades of ignorance have been lifted from my eyes I stand and stare in disbelief. Never can we imagine the days our hearts will be broken or changed...

I love that as I sit here, I can hear Evie singing her little heart out from her bed. Twinkle, twinkle little star...(looong pause)...how I wonder what you are...(quiet chattering)....twinkle twinkle little star...(yawn)....(silence). She speaks in music...whether she is singing a song or just telling a story. The sound of her voice is a melody.

Despite the wild ride on the emotional rollercoaster of the past few weeks, all hope has not been lost. In the thick of it all have found a sweetness in the presence of my Savior. He speaks peace and hope to my heart as I despair about feeling as if the next breath may be my last or wondering where I might find the strength to press on. He reminded me that He is being glorified in what I do not understand and that He is so near and so gracious to give me more of Himself as I press into Him. Feeling sick makes the rest of life so much more difficult and yet, I did not make a trip to the depths of despair, a place that I have spent quite a bit of time in over the past 2 years. It was just life...take it or leave it. A twist and turn that were instrumental to God in making a more Christlike me. And on this side of yesterday, I can say that I am thankful, although I should probably say that in the today of yesterday I was thankful too (but, I know that might be stretching things a bit).

I should know  better than to sit down at a computer without a clear sense of direction. I have a few pictures, that my mind has woven together in words, but, without a clear map I diverted to giving a snapshot of regular old life. But, if only to remind myself that God showed up wildly wonderfully in regular old life, all might not have been lost.

"Rejoice always; pray without ceasing; in everything give thanksl for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus." 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18