a tribute to a true heart

It was a year ago, an autumn day, when we met. Feeling as if all hope was lost and I was half gone already, I looked for help. She took my hand.

I put on my shoes.We started walking. It was slow going at first but climbing out of a deep pit doesn't happen instantly. This would take endurance. I prayed for a miracle. Through her words, God answered me. She told me that God was doing good things in this journey and there was a purpose in each step.

I leaned in to her strength and wisdom. When I felt as if I could not take another step she sat me down and let me rest awhile, cheering me on for the steps that I had taken. She showed me pictures of her own story, the very reasons that she knew how to hope in despair.

Along the way, she introduced me to a new friend. A hippo named Courage. He's a quiet little hippo, but in his presence is a strength that I take hold of and carry on.

It seemed as if life was finally starting to look like something worth living well. I felt as if joy was bubbling up out of the well of my heart that had once contained despair. My legs felt stronger and my burdens felt light. I was full of dreams. Being me felt good.

And then one day... the sort of day that lurks in the back of your mind, she let go. I had always thought that it would be I who cut the boat free from the dock. In a strange twist of God's mysterious will, the dock was pulled in. She let go of my hand. She was moving on. I think my heart fell out of my chest for a minute, but in the strength of my newly discovered courage my despair melted. In it's place was a peace and hope that I had not known for a long while.

My unaided boat felt sure and steady in the uncertain waters at first. It seemed as if the fruits of the past year of labor were delicious and sweet. And then, the storm resumed.  And here I sit, trying to remember what this bag of tools contains and what each one should be used for. Courage cheers me on.

I cannot. I will not give up.

And for this, I give my deepest gratitude in tribute to a true heart.

Jesus

In the stillness of the morning, as the day slowly crawls out of her slumber, I find a rare and precious jewel in moments spent at the feet of Jesus.

After a night in which I woke up and thought through an upcoming event with great dread, it feels peaceful beyond comprehension to pour out my heart before my God and to listen to His voice through Scripture. To discover a new perspective, a hopeful perspective. To listen to God instruct my wicked, sinful heart in His gospel and grace.

I was reminded of a recent encounter with God. In an elevator with a woman who, and we could all make our own judgements, looked as though she had not cared for herself well. I don't remember exactly what I thought, but, knowing myself well, I know that my initial thoughts were not grace filled. And then, God spoke to my heart. He said, "Sara, I love her. Just as much as I love you. I made her and I love her." I was in wonderment at His voice. I still am.

How I long to be more like Jesus. To allow Him to flow in and through me. To be completely submitted to His will in all things. Overflowing with "grace upon grace" (John 1:16) and the gospel.

Nothing so wonderful happens quickly, but in the stillness, in the darkness, in the heartache, in whatever God has to use to soften and shape my stubborn heart.

And now the day begins...the sound of a busy 2 year old singing "mama," breakfast to make, floors to vacuum, laundry to be folded, laughs to be laughed, games to be played and Jesus to be glorified.

"This book of the law shall not depart from your mouth, but you shall meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do according to all that is written in it; for then you will be make your way prosperous, and then you will have success. Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous! Do not tremble or be dismayed , for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go." Joshua 1: 8-9

A day in the life of...

I love looking at the world through the eyes of my sweet, Evie. She breathes life into mine as she finds wonder in the ordinary and everyday. She jumps around and shrieks with delight at the mere thought of a trip to the farm, the park or Grandma's house.

It's amazing to me how much energy is contained inside such a little person. She can scale an armchair or climb into her crib in no time flat. She uses her bed as a trampoline until  I pick her up. She can run away and hide behind racks in a store in the blink of an eye.Try taking her to a new, un-Evie proofed house...disaster! I am quite sure that she wakes up every morning with a mission. A mission to see how quickly she can create a mess of epic porportions. Every day I'm amazed at how much stuff she can tuck into her baby stroller before she dashes around the house with it. Her little hands are lightning bolts- reaching from the cart or stroller to the merchandise on the shelf beside her. She's dangerous!

The little wheels in her mind are constantly turning. The things that come out of her mouth are, no doubt, often inspired by something she has seen or heard. I wonder what makes certain things she sees or hears so remarkable that she stores them up for those moments when she spouts them out. It's then, often caught off guard, I try to track her train of thought and work with it while my heart laughs. Often, the laughter cannot be contained and, as she hears the sound of it, she gives in to the merriment of the moment and we share it together.

She's recently discovered emotions and how to communicate them. When she is distressed, most often in a tantrum sort of distressed, she tells me that she's sad or crying. If I find her doubled over in peals of laughter she tells me "'I'm laughing, mom." Ask her to smile for a picture and she dons on a toothy, comical grin. Her eyes also tell the story of her heart. It is quite clear when she is set on disobedience, feeling sleepy or wanting something. What a picture those little eyes paint. It's interesting to watch as she discovers her own heart.

I wonder what Evie sees when she looks at me. I think it is the hope of every mother's heart to model a Christ-like life...full of compassion, grace, joy and courage. Do I inspire her to live life with abandon, relishing the joy of every moment? I think, perhaps, that she opens my heart to that. We work together. I as her comfort, teacher,cheerleader and nurturer. She as the sparkler that smothers me with kisses, surprises me with funny words and opens my eyes up to see the wonder in the world around me.

I love that she loves life. It inspires me to see the magic of the ordinary.

dream a little dream

Close your eyes, pull out your imagination and dream with me. Dream of a beautiful day and love...

It's fall. The kind of fall day that memories are made of. And there you are. Smiling because you are feeling the warm sun on your skin, laughing because your heart is as light as the millions of brillant leaves dancing above your head and full of peace because your hand is firmly held in the strong grasp of your love.

No words are spoken. You take in the heady sound of God's creation praising Him. The melodies of birds, the wind moving through the woods, the squirrel's clicky voices , the crunching of leaves beneath your feet. Sounds unmatched by anything man has made. Your heart worships along, exulting the Creator of all things.

In this place you feel rest. No expectations. The fear, that often consumes you, is no where to be found. In it's place is sheer delight. You dance as if your feet are wings. Laughter bubbles from the spring of your heart. He sings love into your ear. 

It feels like a miracle. A moment that you will relive over and over in real life. A quiet spot to let your mind rest from the cares of the days and the torments of the enemy.

These are good days. A day to love. A day to dream...