hospital

The last few days have been a blur...unexpected, unpredictable, strangely amazing. God has worked good through what didn't feel very good at all.

Wednesday was a perfectly lovely day. The sun was warm, the snow mountains were melting, Evie's Valentines party was a success. The day was over before I knew it...time for bed. Around 11pm something suddenly didn't feel so right in my gut and I spent the rest of the night in agony. A call to the nurseline at 4:45 was the prompting I needed to get Andy and Evie up and make a trip to the Emergency Department. My mom agreed to watch Evie so after Andy dropped me off, he drove her up to Nama and Bampa's house. Evie was thrilled with how her day was beginning. Oh the bliss of childhood!

As true to any Emergency Department visit, it's all just a bunch of hurry up and wait. And wait we did...with the help of narcotics and anti-nausea medication. Some bloodwork, a CT and an Ultrasound later, our kind and compassionate doctor came and told us that despite the normal results of all my testing, he felt it was necessary that I be admitted. This was a huge answer to prayer. Alot of my previous experience with doctors has been a rather disappointing- if they don't see the problem, there simply isn't one. God gave us the gift of a doctor who saw beyond the test results to look for something that he wasn't finding. My tears of discouragement became tears of encouragement as I saw a glimmer of hope.

And then more waiting. My mom was with me at this point as Andy had taken Evie home to nap. Evelyn is a great napper, but only within her own 4 wooden walls. Finally, the admitting doctor came in and discussed the great mystery I was proving to be. So many normal test results. (sigh) It's rather funny to think that we would find much more comfort in a test result that showed a problem- no news is not good news in this case.

Many hours later I was moved to room 419, a room with a view and kind nurses. My mom, yes my mom, decided to have fun with the buttons on my bed and I found myself moving up and down and back and forth. I'd never realized just how high those beds could go! I was getting a little panicky that the doctor would come in and find me nearly pressed against the ceiling tiles, but she had me down just in time. It wasn't long before the physicians assistant came in. Kate was kind but full of questions but short on answers. She told us she would need to consult with the physician. Dr Allen came in next. He was middle aged, friendly and sort of resembled Donald Sutherland (with very pearly whites). Dr Allen was thoughtful, asked direct questions and continued looking at me after I finished saying things, digesting what I just said. People who think on the spot like that are a little unnerving to me, but I was glad that he was listening and hearing me. He went on to offer suggestions and ideas for new things to look for. He was not convinced that I have Celiac Disease, an idea that sounded wildly exciting. He wrote up a list of tests and headed out. We were elated- finally, someone was coming up with some ideas that sounded reasonable.

The afternoon was a bit of a blur...my nurse, crazy-Mary, vital checks, blood draws, phone calls and nothing to eat or drink. My mom left and Andy came back for a bit with a bag of necessities, just as I was devouring a grilled chicken breast with brown rice. I had also ordered green beans but they came looking a lot more like broccoli, which my stomach isn't very fond of, so I ate a stalk or two and left the rest. I was pleased that they let me eat- I was famished. Andy's visit was over before we knew it and I was alone. It felt very strange. I'm so used to a little toddler dancing around my legs, "talking" on her phone as I'm making dinner...the usual things. But, I was so thankful to be in a place where they might find some answers. I'm so very tired of feeling sick.

My evening ended with a visit from my dear friends, Michelle and Christina. We had originally scheduled a mom's night out at PF Changs for that evening and they kindly agreed to moved our gathering place from a tasty restaurant to room 419. It felt so good to laugh. Thank you Lord for good friends!

It's a good thing I don't have sleep issues...I had no trouble falling back asleep after being woken up every hour or two all night. Morning came early. After my 6am lab draw I sat up and watched the sunrise, listening to the tick-tock of the clock and the humming of my IV machine.It was so peaceful. I prayed, asking God to be so near- the past few months have been such a test of my faith. God was there, I knew it, but He has been so silent. His Word seemed like just words and my prayers felt like they just hit the ceiling and fell back down. It was a good quiet time. I was thankful for those moments to pray and reflect on how God had worked in the past 24 hours. And then I spent a little time "fixing" myself up...it wasn't pretty but slightly improved. Bedhead needs more than just a little fluffing!

More hurry up and wait and then, a trip to the procedure department to have my stomach scoped. It was my third scope, I wasn't scared but I should have been. I'm not sure why, but they decided to leave me quite awake. It's not a particularly pleasant experience to have a tube pushed down your throat and down into your stomach especially when you can feel it go down and then move like a small monster in your gut. A few biopsies and then we were done. Laying alone in the recovery room, I cried. Hungry, uncomfortable, a little scared and waking up from anesthesia. I just felt sad. A young aid came in to wheel me upstairs and saw my tears. He quietly went and found a tissue box which he handed to me.

The afternoon tick-tocked by...Andy was working and my mom was caring for Evie, so I was by myself. I left my door open so I could hear the sounds of life outside my door. My nurse, Amy, was hilarious and full of things to chat about. Between the TV, chatting with Amy and a phone call or two my afternoon passed. Around 4:30, they went over my discharge instructions and sent me on my way...oh how good it felt to walk without an IV pole and wear real clothes! On way down the hall I saw a sign and just happend to notice my
doctor's name on it, so I stopped to check it out. What a fantastic surprise to discover that God had allowed me to be there for such a time, Dr Allen is one of the top GI doctors in the state! What a surprise...what a miracle!

And so, the journey continues. I don't feel well, but I'm confident that God is in this and I can rest in Him. He knows my need, He holds my tears, and He cares for me.

to be continued....