purpose

There is something incredibly comforting in the knowing (and trusting) that God is sovereign.

I woke up and hurried along the morning routine. We needed to be out the door by 8am, a task not to be taken lightly with a companion such as mine. She is so easily lost in wonder at the "twinkle stars" on the toothpaste tube or a long lost toy discovered under something in the corner or the "need" to fill a purse or ride her bike or sing and dance. Encouraging her to move quickly is a test for all involved. How kind of daddy to push back his start time at work so that he could stay home a bit longer. I couldn't have made it out the door without his thoughtfulness and hard work.

The frosty car windows were no match for Sasquatch, our trusty window scraper. We were buckled in and on the road right on time. How beautiful the morning is...the fresh crisp air, the fog hanging low over the open fields, the people who left home a few minutes late and need a racetrack to get to work 5 minutes ago. Evie filled the car with stories and songs. We saw a bald eagle perched high in a tree above a river.

We stopped in at Grandma & Grandpa's and Evie announced herself. "I'm here!" she said and took off her coat and boots. I kissed her sweet little cheeks goodbye and left her, snuggled in Grandma's arms.

My drive was uneventful, but not silent. I sang along with Kari Jobe in praise to God and prayed for the moments to come. A barium breakfast and photo shoot to follow.

I was filled with peace beyond comprehension as I stepped into the hospital. The people were kind, the chalky, flavored beverage almost tasty and in my miles of walking through the halls I gathered a generous pile of (long expired) magazines to read. My, ever mysterious, body decided to process things at a snails pace and made the test take way longer than expected. Throwing the timing off became a problem and caused some confusion, which affected things. Long story short, they missed the opportunity to finish the test leaving me wondering and not so peaceful about the results being accurate. The doctor was angry. The nurse was kind.

And God is sovereign.

His plan is not thwarted. He was not surprised. In fact, He was working, weaving a bigger picture. Sometimes, God gives us the opportunity to look back and see His workings. He shows a glimpse of the bigger picture and the good that resulted in what He allowed. In the past few weeks, He has shown me much grace and has allowed me to see the bigger picture in the story of my past few months. I was amazed at how He protected, provided and guided me absolutely perfectly. How good God is to faithfully lead and care for me, even when I doubt His loving heart and ability to do the impossible.

And that's what I wrote. But, it didn't feel done. So, I put it on the back burner to simmer away while I went about my day. And then I heard some news...

My test was normal. You might think that this would give me cause to jump for joy. It didn't. I grieved. I questioned the results, the incomplete test, my sanity. And then I felt peace. Because I told myself that God was sovereign. This unexplained suffering is not without purpose.

This morning I saw a miracle. The kind of God story that may seem small but was so personal. I have been out of gluten free oats for a few months, but the store that I purchase them from is a drive I haven't been able to make. I have really missed them. This morning, I opened my cupboard to gather the ingredients for breakfast and there, front and center, was a bag of oats!! Right there, beside the other food items I use daily. A seemingly small but very tangible gift from God to remind me that He cares and provides.Thank you, God, for your Sovereignty, your tenderness and gluten free oats.

"I would have despaired

unless I had believed that I would see the goodness of the Lord

in the land of the living.

Wait for the Lord

Be strong and let your heart take courage

Yes, wait for the Lord." Psalms 27:13-14