Why don't tired children embrace sleep? As I type, my very tired child is jumping in her bed and singing a merry tune. Quite soon I may hear the sound of a blanket, stuffed animal and baby Lola being dumped overboard. If I hear a "mommy!" I know to come quick, this means that clothes have or are about to be removed.
We've all heard of the terrible twos. That (hopefully) brief span of a small child's life when parents wonder who swapped their sweet little baby with this...creature. I will admit, I thought it was a farce until my sweet little baby transitioned into that...creature. Her beautiful cherub face, a smile brighter than any Christmas tree and a will stronger than steel.
All is not lost. There are still those little moments when I see glimpses of her sweetness and her silly self. Like when we're driving in the car and she chatters on with the snowman window cling in her hand, speaking for the snowman as he has no voice. Snowman,"Hi. I'm a snowman. Can I come to Evie's house?" Evie, "Oh yes, snowman, you can come over." Snowman, "Can I stick to your window in your bedroom?" Evie, "Yes, you can." and then she says to me, "Mom, the snowman is coming over to stick on my window." Or as I rock her before bed and she whispers little memories of the day. Or when she runs up to give me a squeeze hug and plant a noisy kiss on my lips and then tries to pull handfulls of my hair out by the roots...
I wonder, Lord, am I equipped for this? Can I teach this little girl about You and show her how to love You and know You and obey? Am I going to mess this up? How do I teach her truth? How can I know if I'm doing the right thing when she keeps right on being just as naughty? How can she find so many things to get into? How many spankings can one child get in a day? Help!
Cranberries!
I just had to find a way to insert cranberries in here. Here's why: #1-I have a thing for cranberries. I just finished eating a cranberry smoothie so I'm thinking about them right now. #2 They start with "c" just like children and courage, and I think they tie things together quite nicely. #3 Because they are red and red is a pretty color.
I've just returned from a trip to the little one's room. I left some stern words there for her to think about. She didn't think about them for long. I can already hear the sounds of jumping and singing again. I hear a great sigh (oh wait, that was me)
Crisis averted! I heard a "mommy! I'm poopy!" and discovered a pantless, but not diaperless, poopy diapered child. Diaper changed and baby is laying back in her bed...for now.
I pray each day for the heart of my little girl. That she will learn obedience. That she will grow to see her sinful heart and be captured by Jesus. That she will be strong and courageous for the truth of the gospel.
I pray for my own heart. That I will be tender, patient and selfless. That I will be faithful to follow Christ so that my life teaches my daughter how to live well. That I will be strong and courageous for the truth of the gospel.
God hears the prayer of my heart.
I press on in courage, thankful for the cloud of witness who have gone before and share their wise words and encouragement. They testify, to those who follow, of God's great mercy. And I press on in joy at the sweetness of those moments that are only ours for a short while. Little children are not little for very long.
"Having a 2 year old is like having a blender that you don't have the top for." Jerry Seinfeld
Tuesday, November 22, 2011
Friday, November 18, 2011
courage
I have been working, for some time, on a post about courage. They all started out with a few flowery sentences but trailed off into nothingness. But now, as I sit in the dark, alone on my couch at 2am and stare at circumstances that I simply cannot see relief from, I need to climb on my soapbox and tell myself a thing or two about courage. Because God IS doing something good in this and He will give me the strength and courage to endure.
Somtimes, I have to write to remind myself of what is true because my feelings and my fears are telling me something different.
I think about courage quite often. I wonder what courage looks like, tastes like, feels like. It is significant, I know this. God talks about being strong and courageous. And so it must be that if He offers the challenge, He will also give us the necessary courage to stand in its face (and maybe even push back).
Courage pushes the needle through the fabric and presses on to make something good and beautiful out of something ordinary or impossible. It is the heartbeat in a challenge. It is beauty in ashes. It is quietness and strength in the face of the unknown. It is speaking up for truth. It is being who God made you to be.
It is endurance with hope when one sits on the couch in misery at 2am.
Take heart!
"Be strong and courageous, do not be afraid or tremble at them. For the Lord your God is the One who goes with you. He will not fail you or forsake you." Deutoronomy 31: 5-7
Somtimes, I have to write to remind myself of what is true because my feelings and my fears are telling me something different.
I think about courage quite often. I wonder what courage looks like, tastes like, feels like. It is significant, I know this. God talks about being strong and courageous. And so it must be that if He offers the challenge, He will also give us the necessary courage to stand in its face (and maybe even push back).
Courage pushes the needle through the fabric and presses on to make something good and beautiful out of something ordinary or impossible. It is the heartbeat in a challenge. It is beauty in ashes. It is quietness and strength in the face of the unknown. It is speaking up for truth. It is being who God made you to be.
It is endurance with hope when one sits on the couch in misery at 2am.
Take heart!
"Be strong and courageous, do not be afraid or tremble at them. For the Lord your God is the One who goes with you. He will not fail you or forsake you." Deutoronomy 31: 5-7
Tuesday, November 8, 2011
celebrate
November 8, 2011
November 11, 2011
I never had a chance to finish that post. It would have been filled with colorful streamers, shiny yellow balloons and toe tapping music. I wanted you to dance with me in celebration of good days. They are a gift...rare and precious though they be. Today, the sun is shining brightly. Evie and I basked in it's rays and breathed in the freshness of the fall air as we played at the park this morning. Is there anything so exciting as a trip to the park? Life, through the eyes of a 2 year old, is something to be celebrated. Just the thought of a trip to the park threw her into an inexpressible delight. She exclaimed "park!" several times before galloping around on her imaginary steed who gave his sign of approval in the, "nay her her!" she expressed for him. We bundled up and drove to a new park. I think she was a little saddened that the park was empty when we arrived, but she felt better after deciding that the children were all "at work" and would join her later. We were joined, for a bit, by 4 year old Sophie and her grandpa. Sophie chattered away and Evie followed her all around. Often it seems, Evie loses herself in wonderment of other children. What is her little mind thinking? I knew what it was thinking as we tried to leave the park. Her tears told me that. But, we tell the park that we will come visit it again soon and it helps...somewhat.
I started my day on a rough note. When the veil of sleep lifted and I was aware of the day and the all too familiar manifestations of my mysterious unwellness I didn't think hopeful thoughts. But, in the stillness, the Lord spoke to me through His Word. I took the words of Psalm 71 and asked the Lord to help me to be consumed with Him today.
"14-But, as for me I will hope continually,
and will praise you yet more and more.
15-My mouth shall tell of your righteousness
and your salvation all day long;
for I do not know the sum of them.
16-I will come with the mighty deeds of the Lord God;
I will make mention of your righteousness, Yours alone."
And in His mighty deeds and His tenderness, He answered my prayer.
Great is our God!
I am unpacking the party box. It's time to celebrate! For in this life, though full of uncertainties and trouble, we can find great, inexpressible joy in the righteousness, salvation and mighty deeds of our God. I will lift up my hands and sing for my heart is full of praise!
Tuesday, November 1, 2011
tower of courage
No, I don't have the dates wrong. I know that halloween was actually yesterday. But yesterday, I only had enough time to start and not to finish, so... please pretend that it's halloween and it's beautiful out and whatever else makes you feel like you are reading this yesterday.
Today was halloween. It was also a lovely day. A fine combination. Made me want to curl up in a chair and nap. Not what you expected, I'm sure. But hey, I was tired!
Joyce came over this afternoon. She and Evie made a barn out of wooden blocks on the living room floor and filled it with farm animals. They were enjoying the day together before it was time to "trick-ter-treat" (as said by Evie). They were happy. I was happy. Supper was happily bubbling away on the stove. Andy was happily cleaning up leaves in the yard. My hair looked good. My sister got the package that I had mailed to her. There was happiness all around.
All of a sudden, there came a different sound from the living room. Joyce telling Evie to "stop it!"
Typically, I try to let them figure things out for themselves. But, trying to keep the "happy" up in our house, I stepped in to take a look. There was Evie, taking the blocks from their farm-ation and making a tall tower.
"What's wrong," I asked Joyce. "Evie is making a tower with the blocks," she said, " and it might fall down!" I assured her that a falling block tower would not pose a threat to either of them and she agreed, relieved that they faced no danger in this new game.
As I headed back into the kitchen the wheels of my mind began to turn, thinking about the story that I had just witnessed and the relevance it had on real life. How many of us sit back in fear afraid to "stack a few blocks" because they "might fall down"?
What would life look like if you took a few blocks and started a tower? What if the tower didn't fall down? What if the tower did fall down? What if you felt free and empowered and full of PEACE? What if God is calling you to step out and do something that you are telling yourself is too scary to try? What if...good things came of pressing into fear?
I love to watch people who dream of big towers. They aren't paralyzed at the mere thought of falling blocks. Courage rises out of a pile of rubble and pushes them to dream of a higher, fancier tower.
A tower of courage begins with one single block.
"Strength and dignity are her clothing, she smiles at the future." Proberbs 31:25
Today was halloween. It was also a lovely day. A fine combination. Made me want to curl up in a chair and nap. Not what you expected, I'm sure. But hey, I was tired!
Joyce came over this afternoon. She and Evie made a barn out of wooden blocks on the living room floor and filled it with farm animals. They were enjoying the day together before it was time to "trick-ter-treat" (as said by Evie). They were happy. I was happy. Supper was happily bubbling away on the stove. Andy was happily cleaning up leaves in the yard. My hair looked good. My sister got the package that I had mailed to her. There was happiness all around.
All of a sudden, there came a different sound from the living room. Joyce telling Evie to "stop it!"
Typically, I try to let them figure things out for themselves. But, trying to keep the "happy" up in our house, I stepped in to take a look. There was Evie, taking the blocks from their farm-ation and making a tall tower.
"What's wrong," I asked Joyce. "Evie is making a tower with the blocks," she said, " and it might fall down!" I assured her that a falling block tower would not pose a threat to either of them and she agreed, relieved that they faced no danger in this new game.
As I headed back into the kitchen the wheels of my mind began to turn, thinking about the story that I had just witnessed and the relevance it had on real life. How many of us sit back in fear afraid to "stack a few blocks" because they "might fall down"?
What would life look like if you took a few blocks and started a tower? What if the tower didn't fall down? What if the tower did fall down? What if you felt free and empowered and full of PEACE? What if God is calling you to step out and do something that you are telling yourself is too scary to try? What if...good things came of pressing into fear?
I love to watch people who dream of big towers. They aren't paralyzed at the mere thought of falling blocks. Courage rises out of a pile of rubble and pushes them to dream of a higher, fancier tower.
A tower of courage begins with one single block.
"Strength and dignity are her clothing, she smiles at the future." Proberbs 31:25
Wednesday, October 26, 2011
a tribute to a true heart
It was a year ago, an autumn day, when we met. Feeling as if all hope was lost and I was half gone already, I looked for help. She took my hand.
I put on my shoes.We started walking. It was slow going at first but climbing out of a deep pit doesn't happen instantly. This would take endurance. I prayed for a miracle. Through her words, God answered me. She told me that God was doing good things in this journey and there was a purpose in each step.
I leaned in to her strength and wisdom. When I felt as if I could not take another step she sat me down and let me rest awhile, cheering me on for the steps that I had taken. She showed me pictures of her own story, the very reasons that she knew how to hope in despair.
Along the way, she introduced me to a new friend. A hippo named Courage. He's a quiet little hippo, but in his presence is a strength that I take hold of and carry on.
It seemed as if life was finally starting to look like something worth living well. I felt as if joy was bubbling up out of the well of my heart that had once contained despair. My legs felt stronger and my burdens felt light. I was full of dreams. Being me felt good.
And then one day... the sort of day that lurks in the back of your mind, she let go. I had always thought that it would be I who cut the boat free from the dock. In a strange twist of God's mysterious will, the dock was pulled in. She let go of my hand. She was moving on. I think my heart fell out of my chest for a minute, but in the strength of my newly discovered courage my despair melted. In it's place was a peace and hope that I had not known for a long while.
My unaided boat felt sure and steady in the uncertain waters at first. It seemed as if the fruits of the past year of labor were delicious and sweet. And then, the storm resumed. And here I sit, trying to remember what this bag of tools contains and what each one should be used for. Courage cheers me on.
I cannot. I will not give up.
And for this, I give my deepest gratitude in tribute to a true heart.
I put on my shoes.We started walking. It was slow going at first but climbing out of a deep pit doesn't happen instantly. This would take endurance. I prayed for a miracle. Through her words, God answered me. She told me that God was doing good things in this journey and there was a purpose in each step.
I leaned in to her strength and wisdom. When I felt as if I could not take another step she sat me down and let me rest awhile, cheering me on for the steps that I had taken. She showed me pictures of her own story, the very reasons that she knew how to hope in despair.
Along the way, she introduced me to a new friend. A hippo named Courage. He's a quiet little hippo, but in his presence is a strength that I take hold of and carry on.
It seemed as if life was finally starting to look like something worth living well. I felt as if joy was bubbling up out of the well of my heart that had once contained despair. My legs felt stronger and my burdens felt light. I was full of dreams. Being me felt good.
And then one day... the sort of day that lurks in the back of your mind, she let go. I had always thought that it would be I who cut the boat free from the dock. In a strange twist of God's mysterious will, the dock was pulled in. She let go of my hand. She was moving on. I think my heart fell out of my chest for a minute, but in the strength of my newly discovered courage my despair melted. In it's place was a peace and hope that I had not known for a long while.
My unaided boat felt sure and steady in the uncertain waters at first. It seemed as if the fruits of the past year of labor were delicious and sweet. And then, the storm resumed. And here I sit, trying to remember what this bag of tools contains and what each one should be used for. Courage cheers me on.
I cannot. I will not give up.
And for this, I give my deepest gratitude in tribute to a true heart.
Saturday, October 15, 2011
Jesus
In the stillness of the morning, as the day slowly crawls out of her slumber, I find a rare and precious jewel in moments spent at the feet of Jesus.
After a night in which I woke up and thought through an upcoming event with great dread, it feels peaceful beyond comprehension to pour out my heart before my God and to listen to His voice through Scripture. To discover a new perspective, a hopeful perspective. To listen to God instruct my wicked, sinful heart in His gospel and grace.
I was reminded of a recent encounter with God. In an elevator with a woman who, and we could all make our own judgements, looked as though she had not cared for herself well. I don't remember exactly what I thought, but, knowing myself well, I know that my initial thoughts were not grace filled. And then, God spoke to my heart. He said, "Sara, I love her. Just as much as I love you. I made her and I love her." I was in wonderment at His voice. I still am.
How I long to be more like Jesus. To allow Him to flow in and through me. To be completely submitted to His will in all things. Overflowing with "grace upon grace" (John 1:16) and the gospel.
Nothing so wonderful happens quickly, but in the stillness, in the darkness, in the heartache, in whatever God has to use to soften and shape my stubborn heart.
And now the day begins...the sound of a busy 2 year old singing "mama," breakfast to make, floors to vacuum, laundry to be folded, laughs to be laughed, games to be played and Jesus to be glorified.
"This book of the law shall not depart from your mouth, but you shall meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do according to all that is written in it; for then you will be make your way prosperous, and then you will have success. Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous! Do not tremble or be dismayed , for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go." Joshua 1: 8-9
After a night in which I woke up and thought through an upcoming event with great dread, it feels peaceful beyond comprehension to pour out my heart before my God and to listen to His voice through Scripture. To discover a new perspective, a hopeful perspective. To listen to God instruct my wicked, sinful heart in His gospel and grace.
I was reminded of a recent encounter with God. In an elevator with a woman who, and we could all make our own judgements, looked as though she had not cared for herself well. I don't remember exactly what I thought, but, knowing myself well, I know that my initial thoughts were not grace filled. And then, God spoke to my heart. He said, "Sara, I love her. Just as much as I love you. I made her and I love her." I was in wonderment at His voice. I still am.
How I long to be more like Jesus. To allow Him to flow in and through me. To be completely submitted to His will in all things. Overflowing with "grace upon grace" (John 1:16) and the gospel.
Nothing so wonderful happens quickly, but in the stillness, in the darkness, in the heartache, in whatever God has to use to soften and shape my stubborn heart.
And now the day begins...the sound of a busy 2 year old singing "mama," breakfast to make, floors to vacuum, laundry to be folded, laughs to be laughed, games to be played and Jesus to be glorified.
"This book of the law shall not depart from your mouth, but you shall meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do according to all that is written in it; for then you will be make your way prosperous, and then you will have success. Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous! Do not tremble or be dismayed , for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go." Joshua 1: 8-9
Tuesday, October 11, 2011
A day in the life of...
I love looking at the world through the eyes of my sweet, Evie. She breathes life into mine as she finds wonder in the ordinary and everyday. She jumps around and shrieks with delight at the mere thought of a trip to the farm, the park or Grandma's house.
It's amazing to me how much energy is contained inside such a little person. She can scale an armchair or climb into her crib in no time flat. She uses her bed as a trampoline until I pick her up. She can run away and hide behind racks in a store in the blink of an eye.Try taking her to a new, un-Evie proofed house...disaster! I am quite sure that she wakes up every morning with a mission. A mission to see how quickly she can create a mess of epic porportions. Every day I'm amazed at how much stuff she can tuck into her baby stroller before she dashes around the house with it. Her little hands are lightning bolts- reaching from the cart or stroller to the merchandise on the shelf beside her. She's dangerous!
The little wheels in her mind are constantly turning. The things that come out of her mouth are, no doubt, often inspired by something she has seen or heard. I wonder what makes certain things she sees or hears so remarkable that she stores them up for those moments when she spouts them out. It's then, often caught off guard, I try to track her train of thought and work with it while my heart laughs. Often, the laughter cannot be contained and, as she hears the sound of it, she gives in to the merriment of the moment and we share it together.
She's recently discovered emotions and how to communicate them. When she is distressed, most often in a tantrum sort of distressed, she tells me that she's sad or crying. If I find her doubled over in peals of laughter she tells me "'I'm laughing, mom." Ask her to smile for a picture and she dons on a toothy, comical grin. Her eyes also tell the story of her heart. It is quite clear when she is set on disobedience, feeling sleepy or wanting something. What a picture those little eyes paint. It's interesting to watch as she discovers her own heart.
I wonder what Evie sees when she looks at me. I think it is the hope of every mother's heart to model a Christ-like life...full of compassion, grace, joy and courage. Do I inspire her to live life with abandon, relishing the joy of every moment? I think, perhaps, that she opens my heart to that. We work together. I as her comfort, teacher,cheerleader and nurturer. She as the sparkler that smothers me with kisses, surprises me with funny words and opens my eyes up to see the wonder in the world around me.
I love that she loves life. It inspires me to see the magic of the ordinary.
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